So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything on my Blog. Which I know really disappoints my loyal followers. Hi mum!
And the reason, as you’ve probably gleaned from the very ambiguous title was an ill fated almost relationship. Anyone who knows me and knows me on Facebook knows that I don’t like to air my dirty laundry in public. It’s mostly just cute cats! But since this is related to writing and I won’t be mentioning any names (mine OR his) be forewarned that I’m about to let rip!
So this guy, you know the type. He pays for things, compliments you, fakes a future with you. Tells you your special, he’s never had such a connection with anyone! Blah blah blah blah blah! Then all of a sudden he’s cancelling dates with you, using shitty excuses and “his ex is screwing with his head.” He wants you to feel compassion for him. “She’s some nasty piece of work” he claims. She doesn’t get me like you do! How about you don’t be in contact with her anymore then you stupid knob-head?!!!
Don’t worry though I’m not a complete idiot. As soon as the alarm bells began to ring in my head, mostly screaming at me, “HE”S NOT OVER HIS EX!” I took action. I told him in no uncertain terms that I am not going to be anyone’s rebound girl or second option. I told him to sort his issues out with his ex and to NOT contact me until he had. That week was tough! I agonized over my decision, I wondered if I had done the right thing. I was SEVERELY tempted to contact him, I just had to know what was going on. For closure or something, I don’t know…
Then on Monday came the text. No phone call, nothing special, simply a text. “I think you’re amazing, but the ex and I have been talking and we’re going to give us another go…” I could see it coming a mile away of course. But it still hurt, badly. This happened about three days ago now and I’m still trying to sort through the shit that was this non-yet-almost-relationship. A lot of things are helping, talking to friends and family (thanks guys!) distractions, feeling my feelings, food, calling in sick to my crap job and just taking time to rediscover “me” again. But a BIG help in all this has most certainly been writing. My old friend!
Writing helped me figure out my feelings and what to say to Mr. Asshole when I realized what was going down. Writing helped me stop myself from contacting him when I wanted to sooooooooooo badly, but ultimately knew it wouldn’t help. And writing is helping me now. It’s helping me to sort out what was real and what wasn’t and to try to help figure out what I can ultimately learn from this shit-storm situation. And hopefully in the future avoid emotional retards, such as him.
So I guess what I’m saying is writing will always be there for me. When times are good, or bad, I can always come back to the pen and paper and gain clarity and understanding. Writing has no ex’s, no issues to sort out. It’s never tired, or cancelling on me. It never makes promises it doesn’t keep and it never has any ulterior motives. It simply is. And I need to remember that and trust that through getting my feelings out onto the page I can move past hurt, pain and suffering and support and validate myself no matter what any undeserving prick has said or done to me.
Another helpful tid-bit is this new blog I’ve started following called Baggage Reclaim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ A brilliant site full of wisdom on knowing your boundaries in relationships and how to avoid emotionally unavailable ass-clowns. Reading it has really put things in perspective for me. It’s definitely worth checking out if you’ve ever felt disrespected in a relationship with anyone, not just a romantic partner.
So it’s back to writing for me, can’t believe I ever left you my beautiful friend!